I need to pay of a big debt before March and I am started to get the fear. I was meant to pay some this month but Christmas and extra bills have made that impossible. I am really scared that I won’t be able to do it. So I’ve been looking into the potential Life Modelling and wondering if I could really do it, I don’t have any real training but I have done a bunch of modelling for photography’s, recently some naked ones… I found out that in this country you can sell your eggs but not if you are over the BMI (Bullshit meter for idiots, which has been proven has nothing to do with health). So then I look online for some more sketchy money options, still being a fat women makes the idea of sex work inherently niche, find people with that kink, which I don’t really like, I don’t want to be a kink. I worry that I might be too fat to really do any sex work, not that I am saying I want to, but I really don’t think I am anyone’s fantasy…Then there are legal and moral connotations involved. I find myself wondering if I could even do it, fully commit to it head high. It’s not that I am at all prudish or afraid of risky sex, I once hooked up with a stranger in a beer garden about 15 meters from a group of people #sluttyhumblebrag.
This fear of poverty is so scary, sometimes I feel helpless. I don’t have a financial net, I don’t have Mummy or Daddy to bail me out. Everything I have done is entirely independently and not by choice, I would have loved some help. Please help. Maybe a Sugar Daddy would solve all my problems, or enough money for this debt and a little savings. Hmmmmm maybe it will never be enough, what is enough money? I have literally just signed up for a Sugar Daddy page, which will mostly be a good laugh but maybe something? What would this mean for my new want for a boyfriend, I probably can’t do both. On that note I have started flirting with a newish guy from work, which has been fun. I find it so hard not to let my imagination go wild and plan our Christmas together, I mean we haven’t even kissed and I am not convinced that I even like him. I need something, otherwise I am not going to make it. I’m working extra shifts at my second job but I work really hard for 4 hours and come out of it with GB28.00 for my efforts, it’s not sustainable. My main job pays better but is capped at 16 hours a week so not much more I can do there. So maybe I just need a better second job? Or a third job?