For just over a week I worked on an Opera, I was an Assistant Stage Manager for a whole week. It was one of the hardest and most rewarding weeks of my life. I was so grateful for the experience and for the reminder, this is what I want to do with my life. I want to work together with a team of creatives and make something worthwhile. The curtain goes up, there is nothing more thrilling then that curtain. Live or die the show goes on, so you best hope you’ve got the nerve. I met some incredible people, some truly talented people, some hilarious people and some god awful people, takes all sorts to make a world and an Opera apparently.
I felt amazing, like I was meant to be, being a stage manager feels like being a Discworld Witch, not always glamorous but you get the job done one way or another, you don’t do it for praise or recognition, you do the job that’s in front of you because it has to be done. If you are really good at it people wont even know you were there. But you leave a mark still, a word of encouragement here a sholder to cry on there, a creative solution to every problem.
I felt so at home. I made lists and swept, listened to grievances and rants, I was a smile in a stressful room, a joke in a tense moment, logic in a storm.
I am the most me when I’m in a theatre, i feel real.
I am good at my job and I love it. I am a Stage Manager and I will continue to work at it, I want my whole life to be in this theatre I want that feeling to stay. I want to belong and be needed and be helpful and be rational and listen and create and learn. This week was one of the best in my whole life, even when it was hard or frustrating I was still where I was meant to be. I fit. It’s about people, these were my people, kind, talented, funny and generous. It’s about telling a story well, telling an important story, using this platform to share.
I was so consumed in this week, I let everything else go… Jobs, money, stress, boys or a boy. I was only for the Opera and the Opera was for me, no time for other drama. Now it’s over a lot of it is caving back into me, which hurts, I wasn’t healed just distracted. I am still sad, deeply low. But I know now, I know that my dream is something that I am good at, something I can achieve, this ball is rolling and I wont miss my chance. Boys may come and go, (probably just go) but I have to keep trying to do the work and try to stay open to the possibilities. I can’t let this drown me, I am a fighter and I am strong. I will love and be loved, even if that is just by my beautiful friends. I will hope and strive and live big, always. I am so grateful, I know my path… I just need to learn how to walk it.