“In the Ace of Cups, a huge cup is being offered to you and you are being invited to reach out and drink from it. This is a symbol of fulfillment, not just emotionally but also spiritually. The opportunity for fulfillment is there – will you take it?”
My housemate read my Tarot cards last night, apparently all that hold me back from opportunity is fear, well more like sheer terror. I wanted to think about success in all forms; career and relationship. Basically I had a heap of cups which is opportunity and emotion, I was being held back by swords which indicates fear and over thinking. So it pretty much nailed me. I am writing an application for a pretty amazing job at the moment, however I still don’t know what I am more afraid of, failing or succeeding. I think I have figured out my three big fears about success; change is the biggest one, If I get this job I would have to quit my other 2 jobs, I would have to shift a lot of my new normal. My second fear is not being good enough or what my housemate called impostor syndrome, I don’t think I am worthy for the role, or I have taken some kind of unfair shortcut. My third fear is a basic fear of the unknown, starting at the beginning again, being the new girl, not knowing anything ( I hate not knowing). I think I often beat myself up for not achieving more, I am here to create and take it all in, I haven’t done nearly enough… But I guess I also need to eat, which means there has to be a level of practicality.
“The Lovers reversed can also indicate inner conflicts and being at war with yourself rather than with external forces. It suggests disharmony and difficulty in being able to balance your own inner union”
So there may be some truth in this too… I think I am still struggling with the realisation that I want a relationship. I have been a happy lone wolf for sometime, forever really. I have now decided that I want more then casual sex, or a fling, or a hook up. I have decided… So now how do I find someone to love me? What is the next step? It doesn’t quite fit in my head. I will endeavour to be open to the world and to all the people, but I should probably more proactive, right? I think I have to quit Tinder because all it does is make me vain and boring and really is only good for sex… So if not there, where? I am a somewhat acquired taste, I am fat and loud and opinionated, I wear bright colours and am a BIG personality. I am also funny, passionate, loving, geeky, kind… ummm probably other good stuff, but who can say. I am also struggling with the ‘Strong independent woman’ stuff too, “I don’t need no man!”which is true, but I want one, I don’t think that makes me weak… Soppy, stupid and vulnerable… but not weak.